When you have a bit of a wobble...
When I say wobble, I mean a full on, fear inducing, self paralysing, unable to think rationally about anything kind of a wobble. Am I the only one who experiences these?!
Your mind gets filled with a million questions that you fire at God, expecting them all to be answered so that you can feel better about life and everything in it!
Over the past couple of weeks, I have been wobbling. The joy of seeing some things fall into place with our house move has quickly faded and fear has come to the forefront of my mind. How quickly this happens and how hard, at times, to keep those fears at bay. I have been firing all sorts of questions at God;
What are you doing?
Why aren't you making our solicitor work faster?
How are we going to survive financially after we've moved?
What if our money runs out?
Why have you called us to move?
Sometimes, we go further than questioning God and accuse Him of things. I have found myself doing that at different points over the last couple of years;
Why have you made my life harder since you called us to move?
Why haven't you provided for us sooner?
We have faced so many disappointments, why didn't you stop them from happening?
We like comfort and we like ease. We don't like it when life isn't either of those things. And it can be frustrating when God seemingly doesn't respond to all of the questions and accusations we hurl at Him.
In the book of Exodus, in chapters 5 and 6, we find Moses asking Pharaoh to let the Israelites go, for them to be freed from slavery. The only reason Moses is doing this is because God has called him. And what happens? Well, Pharaoh is outraged and says 'who is this Lord, that I should obey him and let Israel go?' As a result, Pharaoh instructs the slave drivers to make the Israelites work much, much harder with increased work load, beatings and so on. Moses returns to the Lord and questions Him.
Why Lord?
Why have you brought trouble on this people?
Is this why you sent me?
Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble on the people.
You have not rescued your people at all.
See how similar these Moses' questions are to mine?! And how does God respond to Moses? He says 'I am the Lord.' A couple of chapters previously, when God calls Moses to go to Pharaoh, He promises Moses that He will be with Him and says 'I am who I am.' Notice that God does not deal with all of Moses' questions and complaints, but rather He re-states who is He is and reminds Moses of what He has promised.
It is so important not to lose sight of what God has called us to and, more importantly, who God is. Having a bigger picture outlook helps us to lift our heads and our eyes onto Him. I have had days over the past couple of weeks when I have literally felt paralysed and unable to do anything. I don't know if you have ever felt this, but stress often outworks itself in me like that. Tim always knows when I am feeling stressed beyond what I can cope with because I withdraw, can't make decisions about anything, jobs around the house don't get done, can't settle etc. He has been great at helping me to pray when I don't want to pray, being confident in God's character when all I feel is that God will let us down, in reminding me of what God has promised us when I feel fearful.
We are about to embark on the biggest adventure we have had so far and in doing so, are literally putting our money where our mouth is, trying our best to be courageous despite feeeling fearful, knowing that we can't answer all of the questions. But, we do know who our God is and what He is like. He is faithful, kind, steadfast, trustworthy. He loves us unconditionally, forgives us always, provides for all our needs.
Here are the prayer points for this week;
1. Please pray that God protects the processes. We have had some miscommunication with the London rental this week, which almost resulted in us losing the house (eek!) but it all seems sorted now. For the house sale, that nothing untoward comes up at this final stage and we can move to exchange.
2. Pray that the timing of exchange, London rental contract, completion happens in that order.
3. School places for the children.
4. Financial provision generally, but also specifcially for a new work van for Tim, as his current van is dying. It won't pass the MOT without spending a lot of money on it, which is more than the van is worth.
Ways you can support us;
1. Pray
2. Pray and fast - we are fasting on Friday this week
3. Supporting us via our Just Giving page